today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
