Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at about main and main street
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
