Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
