My nipple is on Facebook.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
