I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
