Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
