Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
