My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
