So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
