Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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