I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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