At least make sure they are 18
Why
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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