I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm too high and old for this...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
