yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
