i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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