$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
