I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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