Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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