my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize