Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
