Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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