dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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