well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
