the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
