Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
