If that was your dad, he is hot
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
