I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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