when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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