hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
