Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
