tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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