ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
