I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
