Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
