Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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