I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
