i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
