I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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