how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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