you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
