im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
