john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
