Don't you send me to vm
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
