Someone shit on the floor
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize