I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
