well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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