He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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