don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
