GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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