FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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