you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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