two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
