Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
