**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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