living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize