you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
