So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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