you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
