someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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