If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
