If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
