you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
