Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Couch. On fire.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
