Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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