You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
