1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
