I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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