So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
