he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
