Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
