it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
