Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My pussy is not your playground.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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